How do we find the people we love?
Apparently, 60% of people between ages 18 and 29 believe in love at first sight, compared to 56% of 30-49 year olds and just 43% of those over age 50 [1] and overall, men tend to believe in it more than women. [2] Maybe the older folks figure something out that we young'uns don't want to believe?
Love is a complex process that's actually 3 difference processes with three totally different chemical pathways (more on that in a later post). Love at first sight is usually more correctly categorized as "lust at first sight", and it is usually not reciprocal. In fact, in a study examining love at first sight (LAFS), they found that people more often reported LAFS about more attractive people. While this is not a big surprise, it also means that we don't necessarily have a built-in soulmate radar, or at least not a very effective one.
So how does a lasting bond develop?
It's usually not as easy as seeing each other and "knowing". We need to see how each other interacts with the world: how we respond to different situations, how we treat those around us, what we're interested in, and why we're interested in it.
Not only that, but many stories of successful couples begin with some element of coincidence. The classic rom coms are perhaps an overly-stylized, but it's true that many people have a positive but not explosive first interaction and then part ways, only to bump into each other again (sometimes years later) and decide to take a chance on seeing where it goes.
I'm sure this is in large part because even asking for someone's number the very first time you meet feels like a huge risk, so sometimes you need a little nudge from fate.
But online dating makes fate impossible.
If you've swiped left on someone because of a single photo or your mood that day (or because your finger slipped), you will essentially never see them again. If you matched once but didn't end up going out, there is no reason for you to bump into each other again.
We think that's pretty unfortunate (no pun intended). There have to be plenty of different interactions that show you how someone reacts to different contexts. Someone that seemed unexciting at first might have a side to them they just haven't expressed, that might be just what you're looking for.
In the new dating paradigm of SamePage, you will be able to see people from different directions, and bump into them in different contexts. More like real, life, you will have multiple chances to find the right "click", making each particular interaction feel less high stakes.
Think of it like being given many chances to make a first impression. Because there's no reason there can only be one.
[1] Zhana Vrangalova (2017) 'Love' At First Sight Is Actually Simply Lust At First Sight. Forbes
[2] Laura Schwecherl (2013) Love at first sight may have a biological basis. Washington Post